Why So Many Women Overgive — And How We Make it Stop.

If you’re a woman, chances are you’ve experienced that urge to just give — your time, energy, love, and support — even when it’s draining you. In my therapy practice, one thing I see a lot is women who overgive. While it might seem like a strength or something “nice” to do, overgiving can actually leave you feeling wiped out, frustrated, or like you’re losing yourself in the process.

Understanding the Urge to Overgive

It’s not just you. There’s a whole mix of reasons this happens. Culturally, women are often taught from a young age to be the caregivers — the ones who put others first, who are always available to help, listen, and nurture. That’s great in some ways, but it also means many women grow up thinking their worth is tied to how much they do for others.

The Emotional Toll of Overgiving

Add to that the fact that many women are naturally pretty tuned in emotionally — we pick up on others’ feelings and want to help soothe or fix things. So saying “no” can feel uncomfortable, even selfish, and sometimes downright impossible.

What’s the Cost of All This Giving?

When you’re always giving, it’s easy to get worn down — emotionally, mentally, and physically. You might feel stressed, resentful, or just plain exhausted. Plus, it can leave you feeling invisible or like people only notice you when you’re helping them, not for who you really are.

Let me share a quick story: I had a client, let’s call her Sarah, who kept forgiving a close friend who had lied to her. Sarah was the kind of person who always gave second chances, kept making excuses, and tried to fix the friendship on her own. But every time she bent over backward, her friend didn’t seem to respect her boundaries or honesty. Sarah ended up feeling hurt and depleted, like her kindness was being taken for granted. It wasn’t until she started setting clear boundaries — saying things like, “I need honesty in my friendships” and “I’m stepping back when I don’t feel respected” — that she began to reclaim her energy and self-respect. It was tough, but freeing.

How Can We Stop Overgiving?

1. Notice When You’re Overdoing It: Start paying attention to when you say “yes” but actually feel like saying “no.” How do those moments make you feel afterward? That little awareness is a game changer.

2. Get Comfortable with Boundaries: Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about taking care of your energy. Try saying things like, “I can’t do that right now,” or “I need to take care of myself first.” It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes!

3. Make Self-Care Non-Negotiable: Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a must. Find the things that fill your cup—whether that’s a quiet walk, journaling, hanging out with friends, or just chilling with a good book—and make time for them regularly.

4. Remember Your Worth Isn’t About What You Do: You don’t have to “earn” your worth by how much you help or give. You’re valuable just as you are, and that mindset shift makes a huge difference.

5. Reach Out for Support: Sometimes, it helps to talk with someone who gets it—a therapist, a friend, or a support group. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

   
   

Finding Your Balance

Overgiving can feel like the default for many women, but it doesn’t have to be that way. When you start to put your own needs alongside caring for others, you’ll find yourself feeling stronger, more energized, and actually better able to give in ways that feel good — not draining.

Embracing Your True Self

It’s essential to embrace who you are beyond your role as a caregiver. What hobbies or passions have you set aside? Rediscovering these interests can help you reconnect with your true self. Consider taking a class, picking up a new hobby, or even revisiting an old one. This can be a wonderful way to nurture your spirit.

The Power of Saying No

Learning to say no is a powerful tool in your journey to balance. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but practice makes perfect. Start with small commitments. As you build confidence, you can tackle bigger requests. Remember, saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a person who values her time and energy.

Building a Supportive Community

Surrounding yourself with supportive people can make a world of difference. Seek out friends and family who respect your boundaries and encourage your self-care. If you find yourself in relationships that drain you, it might be time to reassess those connections. Healthy relationships should uplift you, not deplete you.

Seeking Professional Guidance

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider seeking professional guidance. A therapist can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate your feelings and help you establish healthier patterns. Therapy can be a safe space to explore your emotions and learn how to prioritize yourself without guilt.

If you’re ready to stop overgiving and start living a more balanced, authentic life, I’m here to support you. You can book a session with me easily through my online schedule. Let’s work together to set boundaries that work and rediscover what makes you feel whole.

Embracing your worth and finding balance is a journey, and I’m honored to be part of yours. Together, we can navigate this path toward lasting wellness and personal transformation. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.